Reader Question:

I was friends with this particular lady for a while. She left her boyfriend. We’ve been texting a whole lot – like 200 communications per week. We hold acquiring mixed signals from the lady, and I enjoy their. Ought I do it? But Really don’t like looking to hook up with a girl destroy the friendship possibly. We also hang out, and I believe she searches for me personally for the halls.

-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)

Specialist’s Answer:

Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting all of us with this particular vital personal issue.

There is a large number of opportunities to spell out what are you doing right here, but i’d like to offer you my “take.” To start with, you say she actually is delivering blended indicators, which most likely means the woman is baffled rather than certain of just what actually she desires.

She could still have feelings or expectations your commitment she just kept, or she might be waiting for you to make a move. She might still take the healing process, and she might not be willing to be seen openly with another guy but.

Texting can be her means of extend and hooking up nowadays while she finishes mentally disconnecting from her ex. She can be perplexed if her friendship available sometimes seems loves its growing into one thing bigger, but she’s uncertain any time you “like” like this lady.

For you, Ivan, you are in an extremely precarious spot right now. She actually is throughout the rebound and needs psychological service. She trusts both you and feels better when she shares some texts or hangs with you. She searches for you into the places because she wants you, in one method or some other, that is certainly in which you have to be careful. Any time you put the friendship initial above your own fascination with dating the lady as a girlfriend, you’re in serious chance of getting relegated towards “friend region,” that’s a hard location to escape from.

My personal guidance to you personally is to find and the lady and talk physically. It should be previous and reduced than an actual date, but it gives you a concept if she would like to view you or not. Tell the girl she should move out and simply take an hour to have a good laugh and enjoy by herself and you would love the opportunity to talk to the girl in a bit more degree, as well. Pick an area in which everyone never ever get – possibly a Starbucks anywhere – so she will feel as if the woman privacy will be protected.

Ask the lady how she actually is carrying out and in case the woman is undoubtedly completed with her ex. Shell out very close attention to the woman gestures. Is actually she leaning in your direction or away? Is she big-eyed and cheerful, or detached and thoughtful? Is she performing “girly” or like a buddy?

There’s something else you should do: Tell this lady in an exceedingly matter-of-fact way that you would like their. Then you shouldn’t state another phrase. She has is the second anyone to speak. Check her directly from inside the eyes so she will be able to see your strength as well as your sincerity. Boldly and confidently understand her neck or arms. Just make sure she knows you are searching for the woman in an enchanting man-woman particular method.

End up being strong and type but never psychological or eager. Generate the girl wanna come your way for the caring and comfy guy you happen to be and not the wonderful kid that is “secure” and benign. Her real ideas and motives should reveal on their own while the talk unfolds.

Do it,